A few weeks ago my 11-year old came home really upset from school. I asked her what happened and she said, "I hate ****!"--a boy in her class who's been giving her trouble the whole year.
I'd heard about it before from her, he slacked off on his class responsibility when they were partners on the job, he had hit her, he'd made fun of her for being a foreigner (though technically she's only half foreign and holds a Japanese nationality and was born in this country). He'd hit her friends too, and copied from her papers (they were sitting together in class). So, I took the first steps at that time to deal with the situation, I first talked with her about handling it, what she should ignore, what she shouldn't. Then I talked to her teacher about it, and he said he knew this boy was causing problems in general, and he would deal with it. Two months later, and the kid had just hit my girl over the head with a broom stick, along with one of her friends.
I'd had enough, I wasn't going to let some big 11-year old boy hit my little delicate daughter, no matter what she might've done or said, boys just don't hit girls, period. Fortunately, he lives right around the corner from me and I've been friends with his mom ever since we moved in. I also knew that this kid had been trouble pretty much from the beginning in kindergarten, a wild kid, uncontrolled, refusing to cooperate or listen to anyone, and his Mom had no control over him. But she's a really nice person, and I had hopes that I could just tell her what happened and ask her what to do about it.
I walked over to her house, and began by apologizing for having to bring up an unpleasant subject, but it seemed her son had hit my daughter and another friend at school today, and it wasn't the first time it had happened. I explained the various things I'd heard from my daughter over the past school year and the fact that he'd made fun of her for being a foreigner. I told her I'd already talked to the teacher earlier, but it seems like the problem is continuing, and since it involves physical force, I wanted to ask her help to handle it.
The Mom was quite shocked, she said it was the first time she'd heard anything regarding my daughter or the other girl and her son. She said she'd had one call from the school in his behaviour towards another girl, but not about these other kids. We talked about it for a bit, and she was very sorry that her son had been so nasty, and promised to talk to him, and made me promise to come right to her if anything else happened.
Boy was I relieved! This was the first time I'd actually dealt directly with the parent of a child who had been bad towards mine, and she took it really well and was really supportive of helping her son not be abusive towards other kids.
It then developed into a conversation about the present teacher, who it appears, is not very good and has many problems in the past with his classes. But that's another story for another post.
I then thought about another situation that had happened for a couple of years regarding my son when he was in 4-6th grade and a kid who was the class bully. He'd hit Jason several times, quite hard it seems, but I had been under the impression the school and teachers had taken care of it, talking to the boy, talking to the parents, etc. But in retrospect, I wish I had taken a more aggressive action from the beginning and talked to his mother directly, another parent with whom I've socialized with, and perhaps it could've helped avoid a couple years of trouble for my little guy. I felt bad that as a parent I didn't stir myself up more to stand up to the kid's parents and let them know what was happening. I apologised to Jason for that, and told him I would always try to be there for his defense if it ever happened again.
On a side note, the boy who had been bullying Jason (amongst others) recently hurt a child in school so badly the child had to have laser surgery on his eye to repair the damage, and I wonder if the parents are finally waking up to the sad state of their kid...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Seat Belts or Not
Japan's laws regarding seat belts for cars have always been quite flexible. When my mother first visited us 14 years ago, she nearly had a heart-attack that we didn't put the kids in seat belts or child seats in the back of the car (at least I never let them ride up front). This is just the Japanese way, they didn't have any laws about it, and so we didn't do it.
About 8 years ago, I think, rules were put in place that children under 5 had to be in a baby seat, and somewhere around then rules were made that all front-seat passengers had to wear seat belts at all times. Did this mean everyone suddenly wore seat belts and all children were buckled in? Sadly, no, it didn't, as the enforcement of the law is very slack (just so you don't worry, I did promptly get a child seat and booster chair and make sure we always wore seat belts in the front--a lot due to my Mom's urging, somewhat due to the law).
Just a few days ago I was driving to the local supermarket, sharing the road with another mother headed the same way. I looked over and was, not shocked, but dismayed to see her toddler sitting up on her lap with her, driving down this not so local road, and sighed in frustration at the stupidity of parents.
Last year there was a horrible accident involving a 1-year old: A father made a U-turn during which his side-door opened up, out flew his baby who wasn't strapped in to anything, and who was promptly run-over by an oncoming car. Sadly, this family has lost a baby, and the father has been charged with murder, the punishment if your child dies in a car-related accident which could have been avoided if they had been properly secured in the vehicle.
So, the point of this rant is that Japan has laws, but the laws are not that closely watched, nor enforced. There is a saying in Japan, "As long as you can get away with it..." and that's how life is lived over here. Which is strange because it is also a culture very bound by rules and tradition.
And now for the main part of this post: I read this article in the Japan times today, and wonder if this will have any impact on society at large:
About 8 years ago, I think, rules were put in place that children under 5 had to be in a baby seat, and somewhere around then rules were made that all front-seat passengers had to wear seat belts at all times. Did this mean everyone suddenly wore seat belts and all children were buckled in? Sadly, no, it didn't, as the enforcement of the law is very slack (just so you don't worry, I did promptly get a child seat and booster chair and make sure we always wore seat belts in the front--a lot due to my Mom's urging, somewhat due to the law).
Just a few days ago I was driving to the local supermarket, sharing the road with another mother headed the same way. I looked over and was, not shocked, but dismayed to see her toddler sitting up on her lap with her, driving down this not so local road, and sighed in frustration at the stupidity of parents.
Last year there was a horrible accident involving a 1-year old: A father made a U-turn during which his side-door opened up, out flew his baby who wasn't strapped in to anything, and who was promptly run-over by an oncoming car. Sadly, this family has lost a baby, and the father has been charged with murder, the punishment if your child dies in a car-related accident which could have been avoided if they had been properly secured in the vehicle.
So, the point of this rant is that Japan has laws, but the laws are not that closely watched, nor enforced. There is a saying in Japan, "As long as you can get away with it..." and that's how life is lived over here. Which is strange because it is also a culture very bound by rules and tradition.
And now for the main part of this post: I read this article in the Japan times today, and wonder if this will have any impact on society at large:
"Back-seat riders to be bound by seat-belt law
"By TAKAHIRO FUKADA
"Staff writer
"Back-seat passengers will have to buckle up just like those up front when a new seat-belt law takes effect on June 1, although penalties will only be handed out for violations on expressways.
"Drivers found to be carrying passengers not wearing seat belts will have a penalty point added to their record. Six points results in suspension of their license, while 15 points gets it revoked. "Not everyone is bound by the new rule. Those exempted include pregnant women and people with disabilities that make it difficult for them to fasten the belts. "Currently, the law requires drivers and front-seat passengers to wear seat belts, with the driver given a one-point penalty for violations either on expressways or on regular roads. Current law only urges drivers to try to have those in back buckle up." For the rest of the article please click here: http://search.japantimes.co.jp/mail/nn20080405f1.html
Monday, March 31, 2008
A Mother's Worse Nightmare
Any mother, or parent, will probably agree on their single most worst nightmare--that something horrid will befall their children. And of all the horrid things that can happen, we will probably agree that the worst of those would involve a stranger with malevolent intentions.
Well, I thought I had clearly and firmly covered the topic of strangers with my children, and as they are now older, 10, 12 and 14, I thought this subject was pretty well ingrained in them. Imagine my great surprise to find my son had jumped into a car with a stranger, and all the horrible emotions that come along with the discovery, and the incredible relief to know that nothing misfortunate had befallen him.
My children were staying at their Papa's, and in general, Japan is a safe place for children, women animals and the elderly. Crime is low, guns are against the law, and poverty is not prevalent. I often allow the kids out to the local grocery store and farther on their own, I've sent them on trains into downtown Osaka to meet someone there for some purpose, and I would probably allow my 14-year old to spend the day downtown with friends. And so, my son went on an errand for his Papa to the local convenience store, about a 2-minute walk from my dad's place. They had gone previously, it was a simple turn around the block. Before going, my father went over the directions with him to make sure he had it right.
But, Jay didn't have it right, and he made a wrong turn. Since he couldn't find the shop, he stopped someone on the side of the street and asked for directions, to which the man replied "Hop in my car and I'll take you!" OMG!! This is the beginning of a possible nightmare. Japan is not without malicious people intent on harm. Just this past week on 2 separate occasions 2 men have attacked other people and killed them just for the 'fun of it!'
I count myself lucky because this unknown person didn't seem to have any designs on my innocent, and to be honest, very 'pretty' son, and my son was safely delivered to a convenience store, from which the man took off, and my son made it safely back to his Papa's, though considerably later than he should have been back.
This episode seriously worried me about the innocence of my babes, and prompted me to have a series of stranger talks again, and again, and again, at least 4 in the past 2 weeks, to emphasize to them the dangers that lurk, the need for them to be smart, and to never ever go with a stranger anywhere, or even someone they think they know. I also covered the fact that no 'adult' should ever invite a child into their car or house or anywhere without a parent, that the man was wrong for giving Jason a ride at all. We also discussed the privacy of their own body issues and that no one, including teachers or parents, have a right to touch their body in a way that makes them uncomfortable or feel strange.
It is my hope that my son has learned this lesson, that he is wiser in the future, and I am just so relieved that he made it through the situation intact and without any damage to himself.
And so, any parents reading this, please don't forget that children need to be reminded and told again and again through their young years, that danger is out there and how they should handle potentially dangerous situations.
Well, I thought I had clearly and firmly covered the topic of strangers with my children, and as they are now older, 10, 12 and 14, I thought this subject was pretty well ingrained in them. Imagine my great surprise to find my son had jumped into a car with a stranger, and all the horrible emotions that come along with the discovery, and the incredible relief to know that nothing misfortunate had befallen him.
My children were staying at their Papa's, and in general, Japan is a safe place for children, women animals and the elderly. Crime is low, guns are against the law, and poverty is not prevalent. I often allow the kids out to the local grocery store and farther on their own, I've sent them on trains into downtown Osaka to meet someone there for some purpose, and I would probably allow my 14-year old to spend the day downtown with friends. And so, my son went on an errand for his Papa to the local convenience store, about a 2-minute walk from my dad's place. They had gone previously, it was a simple turn around the block. Before going, my father went over the directions with him to make sure he had it right.
But, Jay didn't have it right, and he made a wrong turn. Since he couldn't find the shop, he stopped someone on the side of the street and asked for directions, to which the man replied "Hop in my car and I'll take you!" OMG!! This is the beginning of a possible nightmare. Japan is not without malicious people intent on harm. Just this past week on 2 separate occasions 2 men have attacked other people and killed them just for the 'fun of it!'
I count myself lucky because this unknown person didn't seem to have any designs on my innocent, and to be honest, very 'pretty' son, and my son was safely delivered to a convenience store, from which the man took off, and my son made it safely back to his Papa's, though considerably later than he should have been back.
This episode seriously worried me about the innocence of my babes, and prompted me to have a series of stranger talks again, and again, and again, at least 4 in the past 2 weeks, to emphasize to them the dangers that lurk, the need for them to be smart, and to never ever go with a stranger anywhere, or even someone they think they know. I also covered the fact that no 'adult' should ever invite a child into their car or house or anywhere without a parent, that the man was wrong for giving Jason a ride at all. We also discussed the privacy of their own body issues and that no one, including teachers or parents, have a right to touch their body in a way that makes them uncomfortable or feel strange.
It is my hope that my son has learned this lesson, that he is wiser in the future, and I am just so relieved that he made it through the situation intact and without any damage to himself.
And so, any parents reading this, please don't forget that children need to be reminded and told again and again through their young years, that danger is out there and how they should handle potentially dangerous situations.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
