Today I take a huge jump across the years to the present. Something I have had to learn to cope with culturally is my children’s schooling. All 3 of my children attend the local public schools. They started in kindergarten, and the eldest is now in 8th grade.
Japan’s schooling system basically goes like this:
- K4 (kindy for 4 years)
- K5 (kindy for 5 years)
- 1-6th grade (elementary school)
- 7-9th grade (Jr. High)
- 10-12th grade (Highschool)
The only years that are mandatory are the elementary and Jr. High years. Kindergarten and High School are not mandatory. Actually, you are considered an adult at age 16, though you can’t drive until 18 and you can’t drink or smoke until 20 (hmmm—that rule is not strictly kept—up to a few years ago I could’ve sent my daughter to the local store to pick up a pack of beer for me or a bottle of wine, no questions asked, but they have clamped down on it. Nevertheless, it’s pretty common to see young kids in the Jr. High bracket smoking, my daughter tells me the Jr. High 3rd grade naughty-boys all congregate in the stair-well to smoke during school time).
While I’m happy my kids go to school and are getting an education, I find myself in a constant battle with the rules and requirements, esp. as they get older. Here is a recent conversation I had with Janina (13):
M: Hey kiddo, I think you’re hair looks really nice up in a high ponytail. Shall I help you do it this morning?
J: Umm, no Mom, cause I can’t wear my hair higher than the tips of my ears.
M:WHAT!! What do you mean!!
J: It’s the rules Mom.
M: What are they gonna do to you if you put it up?
J: Well, probably I’ll get lynched (and this is the actual word they use in Japanese) by the seniors.
M: Jr. High SUCKS!!!
And the list really does go on. Everything is dictated, my daughter is even afraid to put her hair up after school or on weekends going out in case a senior sees her and she gets beat up at school.
There’s an odd variety of other ‘rules’: First years must wear white socks, but 2nd and 3rd years can wear black, only 3rd years can wear a sweater or scarf to school in winter, no bangles, baubles, accessories of any kind, those are the ones I know about, I’m sure there are many others.
Another conversation with my daughter:
J: We’re having a musical competition at school, I finally learned the song!
M: That’s great!!
J: But the seniors threatened to kill us!
M: What??!!
J: They want to win the competition so they said if any of us do anything other than sing, they’ll kill us! We can’t clap, or move, or dance…
M: Seniors SUCK!! How can they get away with that!
That’s the usual ending of those conversations—it SUCKS!!
It seems that the seniors have a lot of power here, and they keep the juniors in a state of fear and control. It’s quite ridiculous, and in looking at society, it’s where the whole “respect your elder—pay obeisance to your elder—your elder is always better than you” mentality begins. While I believe in respect, I believe respect goes towards anyone, older, younger, it doesn’t matter. This school form of “We’re going to beat you up if you wear green socks!” respect is not respect, it’s bullying, which Japan has a major problem with. And where are the teachers when these things happen? I’m sure the teachers are aware of it, but rather than tackling the problem or trying to change the students’ mentality, they let it go and say, “That’s the way it is…”
Some things are changing though. Because of the high rate of suicide, esp. the recent rash of Jr. High suicides, people are taking a closer look at the education system and what goes on in students’ lives, as well as listening closer to the silent cries of the students. For the meantime, I try to keep close communications with my children, educate them on what I consider good values of respect, and let them know when I think something happening at their school is just plain stupid.
Some would say I should tell my daughter to buck the tide, but I decided to leave that choice up to her. There’s a time to fight, and a time not to, since she will be the one to bear the consequences, she is the one who has to make the choice to stand up against it. I would hate to see her come home with a black eye over something as dumb as her hair, I just hope she stands up to fight for things that are really important—defense of the weak, right and wrong and good morals.
