School Bullies

A few weeks ago my 11-year old came home really upset from school. I asked her what happened and she said, "I hate ****!"--a boy in her class who's been giving her trouble the whole year.

I'd heard about it before from her, he slacked off on his class responsibility when they were partners on the job, he had hit her, he'd made fun of her for being a foreigner (though technically she's only half foreign and holds a Japanese nationality and was born in this country). He'd hit her friends too, and copied from her papers (they were sitting together in class). So, I took the first steps at that time to deal with the situation, I first talked with her about handling it, what she should ignore, what she shouldn't. Then I talked to her teacher about it, and he said he knew this boy was causing problems in general, and he would deal with it. Two months later, and the kid had just hit my girl over the head with a broom stick, along with one of her friends.

I'd had enough, I wasn't going to let some big 11-year old boy hit my little delicate daughter, no matter what she might've done or said, boys just don't hit girls, period. Fortunately, he lives right around the corner from me and I've been friends with his mom ever since we moved in. I also knew that this kid had been trouble pretty much from the beginning in kindergarten, a wild kid, uncontrolled, refusing to cooperate or listen to anyone, and his Mom had no control over him. But she's a really nice person, and I had hopes that I could just tell her what happened and ask her what to do about it.

I walked over to her house, and began by apologizing for having to bring up an unpleasant subject, but it seemed her son had hit my daughter and another friend at school today, and it wasn't the first time it had happened. I explained the various things I'd heard from my daughter over the past school year and the fact that he'd made fun of her for being a foreigner. I told her I'd already talked to the teacher earlier, but it seems like the problem is continuing, and since it involves physical force, I wanted to ask her help to handle it.

The Mom was quite shocked, she said it was the first time she'd heard anything regarding my daughter or the other girl and her son. She said she'd had one call from the school in his behaviour towards another girl, but not about these other kids. We talked about it for a bit, and she was very sorry that her son had been so nasty, and promised to talk to him, and made me promise to come right to her if anything else happened.

Boy was I relieved! This was the first time I'd actually dealt directly with the parent of a child who had been bad towards mine, and she took it really well and was really supportive of helping her son not be abusive towards other kids.

It then developed into a conversation about the present teacher, who it appears, is not very good and has many problems in the past with his classes. But that's another story for another post.

I then thought about another situation that had happened for a couple of years regarding my son when he was in 4-6th grade and a kid who was the class bully. He'd hit Jason several times, quite hard it seems, but I had been under the impression the school and teachers had taken care of it, talking to the boy, talking to the parents, etc. But in retrospect, I wish I had taken a more aggressive action from the beginning and talked to his mother directly, another parent with whom I've socialized with, and perhaps it could've helped avoid a couple years of trouble for my little guy. I felt bad that as a parent I didn't stir myself up more to stand up to the kid's parents and let them know what was happening. I apologised to Jason for that, and told him I would always try to be there for his defense if it ever happened again.

On a side note, the boy who had been bullying Jason (amongst others) recently hurt a child in school so badly the child had to have laser surgery on his eye to repair the damage, and I wonder if the parents are finally waking up to the sad state of their kid...

Seat Belts or Not

Japan's laws regarding seat belts for cars have always been quite flexible. When my mother first visited us 14 years ago, she nearly had a heart-attack that we didn't put the kids in seat belts or child seats in the back of the car (at least I never let them ride up front). This is just the Japanese way, they didn't have any laws about it, and so we didn't do it.

About 8 years ago, I think, rules were put in place that children under 5 had to be in a baby seat, and somewhere around then rules were made that all front-seat passengers had to wear seat belts at all times. Did this mean everyone suddenly wore seat belts and all children were buckled in? Sadly, no, it didn't, as the enforcement of the law is very slack (just so you don't worry, I did promptly get a child seat and booster chair and make sure we always wore seat belts in the front--a lot due to my Mom's urging, somewhat due to the law).

Just a few days ago I was driving to the local supermarket, sharing the road with another mother headed the same way. I looked over and was, not shocked, but dismayed to see her toddler sitting up on her lap with her, driving down this not so local road, and sighed in frustration at the stupidity of parents.

Last year there was a horrible accident involving a 1-year old: A father made a U-turn during which his side-door opened up, out flew his baby who wasn't strapped in to anything, and who was promptly run-over by an oncoming car. Sadly, this family has lost a baby, and the father has been charged with murder, the punishment if your child dies in a car-related accident which could have been avoided if they had been properly secured in the vehicle.

So, the point of this rant is that Japan has laws, but the laws are not that closely watched, nor enforced. There is a saying in Japan, "As long as you can get away with it..." and that's how life is lived over here. Which is strange because it is also a culture very bound by rules and tradition.

And now for the main part of this post: I read this article in the Japan times today, and wonder if this will have any impact on society at large:

"Back-seat riders to be bound by seat-belt law

"By TAKAHIRO FUKADA

"Staff writer

"Back-seat passengers will have to buckle up just like those up front when a new seat-belt law takes effect on June 1, although penalties will only be handed out for violations on expressways.

"Drivers found to be carrying passengers not wearing seat belts will have a penalty point added to their record. Six points results in suspension of their license, while 15 points gets it revoked.

"Not everyone is bound by the new rule. Those exempted include pregnant women and people with disabilities that make it difficult for them to fasten the belts.

"Currently, the law requires drivers and front-seat passengers to wear seat belts, with the driver given a one-point penalty for violations either on expressways or on regular roads. Current law only urges drivers to try to have those in back buckle up."

For the rest of the article please click here: http://search.japantimes.co.jp/mail/nn20080405f1.html

In essence, we can continue on as we are, because the new law will only require seat-belts on the expressways. Hmmm...

A Mother's Worse Nightmare

Any mother, or parent, will probably agree on their single most worst nightmare--that something horrid will befall their children. And of all the horrid things that can happen, we will probably agree that the worst of those would involve a stranger with malevolent intentions.

Well, I thought I had clearly and firmly covered the topic of strangers with my children, and as they are now older, 10, 12 and 14, I thought this subject was pretty well ingrained in them. Imagine my great surprise to find my son had jumped into a car with a stranger, and all the horrible emotions that come along with the discovery, and the incredible relief to know that nothing misfortunate had befallen him.

My children were staying at their Papa's, and in general, Japan is a safe place for children, women animals and the elderly. Crime is low, guns are against the law, and poverty is not prevalent. I often allow the kids out to the local grocery store and farther on their own, I've sent them on trains into downtown Osaka to meet someone there for some purpose, and I would probably allow my 14-year old to spend the day downtown with friends. And so, my son went on an errand for his Papa to the local convenience store, about a 2-minute walk from my dad's place. They had gone previously, it was a simple turn around the block. Before going, my father went over the directions with him to make sure he had it right.

But, Jay didn't have it right, and he made a wrong turn. Since he couldn't find the shop, he stopped someone on the side of the street and asked for directions, to which the man replied "Hop in my car and I'll take you!" OMG!! This is the beginning of a possible nightmare. Japan is not without malicious people intent on harm. Just this past week on 2 separate occasions 2 men have attacked other people and killed them just for the 'fun of it!'

I count myself lucky because this unknown person didn't seem to have any designs on my innocent, and to be honest, very 'pretty' son, and my son was safely delivered to a convenience store, from which the man took off, and my son made it safely back to his Papa's, though considerably later than he should have been back.

This episode seriously worried me about the innocence of my babes, and prompted me to have a series of stranger talks again, and again, and again, at least 4 in the past 2 weeks, to emphasize to them the dangers that lurk, the need for them to be smart, and to never ever go with a stranger anywhere, or even someone they think they know. I also covered the fact that no 'adult' should ever invite a child into their car or house or anywhere without a parent, that the man was wrong for giving Jason a ride at all. We also discussed the privacy of their own body issues and that no one, including teachers or parents, have a right to touch their body in a way that makes them uncomfortable or feel strange.

It is my hope that my son has learned this lesson, that he is wiser in the future, and I am just so relieved that he made it through the situation intact and without any damage to himself.

And so, any parents reading this, please don't forget that children need to be reminded and told again and again through their young years, that danger is out there and how they should handle potentially dangerous situations.

Gaming the Time Away

Since my children discovered Famicon and Gameboys way back when, game machines have been a part of our life, particularly, the Nintendo game machines.

Although you could say I started the game obsession with the first Atari when I was 15, my kids have never even touched an Atari, so we shall start the obsession with my brothers who bought the Nintendo64 and introduced it to my son when he was 2. Of course, Dear Son was too young to know what the heck he was doing, so we just handed him an unplugged controller, giving him the joy of being part of the game without actually losing for us.

As he got older he figured it out, and we had to relent, so my husband and I bought him a used (cheap) Famicon (and 8 years later it’s still working!) We then splurged on the Nintendo68, and progressed to the Game Cube, finally ending with the Wii. Side by side with this has been the step from Gameboy to Gameboy Advance, and now the DS—what’s a parent to do (Yes, I know, I could just say ‘NO!’, but where’s the fun in that??)

I’ve made various attempts to balance the games with other activities including limiting game time to 1 hour/day on school days, requiring certain grades made to get game time, banning games on days we plan family activities, no games after a certain time in the day. What has worked the best so far is to not allow games after 6pm on school days and Sunday. And if grades drop too low, there is a general ban on games for awhile until I relent.

For summer this year though I decided to buy the kids (besides Mario Party8) a great educational game—Motto Eigo Zuke—Increased English Training! This DS game is to help increase your English listening/reading/writing skills. You listen to a conversation then write the conversation out, and by passing levels you gain new mini-games to play later. But this game is just one in a series of educational style games, mostly for adults. We have also gotten the Kanji Kakitori game for kanji study, and the Brain Power game, also a lot of fun.

I’m lucky that my kids are pretty much into the Nintendo Mario series, so none of our games have much violence in them. My only wish is that Nintendo would expand on the types of games they have—Sony seems to have done better with the Playstation in that there are many accessories to go with it, but with Nintendo so far there is pretty much the game console and controllers, and a few accessories for some of the games (Donkey Kong Conga with the bongos, Mario Dance Revolution with the dance pad). I would like to see games that teach typing, or use a piano keyboard to introduce music, things along those lines.

And finally, an article I came across about Nintendo’s push to get games into the hands of players who wouldn’t normally make the time for a game.

Japan Times
Saturday, Aug. 18, 2007

WOMEN, SENIORS EXPAND LUCRATIVE MARKET
Nintendo scores with brain-training, etiquette games

By SHINICHI TERADA
Since March, Natsumi Takita has spent 10 minutes daily on a Nintendo DS hand-held game machine, undergoing daily quizzes using "Otona-no Joshikiryoku Training DS" ("Common Sense Training for Adults").
"It teaches me what I thought were good manners were actually bad, how to taste wine, or what the proper seating position in business is," the 26-year-old Tokyo office worker said. "Even if I make mistakes, I see the same questions one month or so later, so I can learn from (my) mistakes."

The "Common Sense" game is one of a flurry of hit titles for Nintendo's DS, including its "Brain Age" calculation drill game and "Face Training," which gives instructions on how to exercise facial muscles for better smiles and expressions. "Dream Skincare," which demonstrates facial massage, will hit the market in October.

The new titles, strikingly different from conventional action games, represent how Nintendo and other game machine makers are trying to appeal to a new group of customers, including young women and "gray gamers," industry officials and analysts say.

According to Enterbrain Inc., a Tokyo-based market-research firm, more than 60 percent of people who bought the DS units don't think of themselves as regular game players.

Nintendo DS, the all-time biggest-selling portable game machine in Japan, is now even used as a study tool for school English classes, or as a reference guide in museums.
With game machines encroaching more and more on people's daily lives, manufacturers are trying to figure out how to best serve the growing number of new users, as well as existing core game fans.

"There is a huge gap between conventional gamers and new users who are more into learning, and the challenge is how to fill the gap," said Hirokazu Hamamura, president of Enterbrain. "Nintendo surely wants to sell games to the new users."
Nintendo spokesman Ken Toyada said the firm plans to provide games and entertainment software that 5-year-old to 95-year-old people can enjoy together.

Masashi Morita, a games analyst at Okasan Securities Co., said core game users have so far been satisfied with challenging games that allow them to shoot enemies and see up-close action scenes.
But as demand diversifies, Morita said game makers must come up with software that lets users clearly know what kind of benefits they can get.

One good example, he said, is Nintendo's Wii Fit, which enables users to track their health conditions or how much weight they lose after doing aerobics, yoga and stretching.
"Nintendo is very good at showing benefits and results from playing such games," Morita said.

"Nintendo has explored a nontraditional game market," Tanaka said. To keep up with new demand, the company has released new titles, including the "Phoenix Wright" series of a courtroom story game.
Takita, a young office worker is preparing to become a housewife soon, and has just bought DS software for household accounting and another for cooking that gives over 200 recipes and step-by-step instructions read out to users by a narrator.
"I just like self-improvement programs," she said. "I don't think I'll be a core game user."

Matsuri!

Summer in Japan is a blend of traditional and modern (as is everything in Japan). The main vacation time for families is mid-August, when fathers get time off work, schools and jukkus cancel all extra classes and families plan their main summer event. It's a time to visit relatives, and most importantly, visit the graves of relatives who have passed on, mainly parents or grandparents, leaving flowers, sake and snacks. Known as Obon, it is a remembrance of those who have passed away, and many matsuris (festivals) are held not only in every town, but every section of the city. Within walking distance of our house we can reach at least 3 local festivals, and many more within driving distance.

Local festivals are small-scale. Food stalls are set up and run by the local PTA, Kodomo-Kai (Children’s Club) or other community group, game stalls with prizes, oftentimes a stage in the center of the locale with either Japanese taiko (drums) or bon-odori (Obon dancing). Neighborhood festivals are low-cost and attended by the danchi (neighborhood), making them relatively safe for children.

But the larger city festivals are a main event for the entire town, and often the surrounding towns as well. You will find stalls all along the location with food, drinks, games and trinkets. It can cost a parent a small fortune to take your kid out to a festival, and I firmly believe this is why so many Japanese families don't have more than 2 kids--it's just way too expensive!! (On a side note, many times the matsuri commerce is run by the local yakuza (mafia)--though not always the case).

The part of the festival everyone waits for begins when the sun is finally down--the hanabi (fireworks—literally meaning flower of fire). A good show can last up to an hour with many peaks and dips in the display, ending with a rather dazzling grand finale, leaving all who attended happy they came despite the crowds, heat, dirt, and cost. Hanabi are a large part of the summer culture in this country, you can buy hand-held and other small-scale hanabi to do in your backyard, the nearby park, the river banks, your campsite if you are so inclined. Every Japanese kid learns good firework etiquette and safety rules—a bucket of water to douse finished hanabi, a plastic bag to collect the garbage, and they also know not to do any shooting hanabi near their neighbor’s houses.

This year we decided to gather together as many available mixed marriage families we could and have dinner together on the banks of our local river where the matsuri was being held. I must say, it was an overall fun event, we even had visitors from the prefecture next to us come along! We made bento box dinners, filled up some PET bottles with mugi-cha, packed in some plastic sheets for sitting, and off we went. The hanabi display was especially good, a sign that our little inaka-town is growing financially.

I solved the money dilemma by giving my kids 500 yen each to spend as they liked, which would be enough for one treat, maybe two if they stretched it. They ended up spending half and saving half for future pocket money, and I was glad not to hear "I want this...Can I buy that..." most of the night, which is a usual tiresome chant whenever we go to the matsuri.

We ended the evening by doing some hand-held sparklers of our own, then packed everything up and headed off to catch the train home. We planned this well, deciding not to leave right at the end of the hanabi, but wait about half an hour when most everyone else had left, thereby catching the tail end of the crowd, and lucky for us we got seats for half the ride home (all of 1 stop!).

If you decide to go to a matsuri, here is a list of what you should bring:

1. money
2. a PET bottle of something non-sweet to drink
3. a plastic sheet for sitting (leisure sheet in Japanese—but check the pronunciation, it’s a bit tricky, sort of ‘layja- sheeto’
4. good walking shoes
5. a hand-held fan (uchiwa--an essential, trust me!)
6. a camera
7. a washcloth or small hand-towel (I actually bring a wet one inside a zip-lock bag for wiping dirty hands or faces--including my own--it can be pretty hot and muggy)
8. a plastic grocery bag for collecting prizes and treats
   
9. and the main part of your meal if you want to save money—food at the festival can cost from 300 yen to 700 yen or more for yaki-soba, tako-yaki, okonomiyaki and all those other matsuri favorites!

Some other matsuri tips:

• Plan to arrive around 5:30, just as the sun is cooling off, but hopefully in time to find a good spot to park yourself. Lay out your mat and leave some food bags to mark the spot, it’ll pretty much be safe. Don’t leave valuables.
  
  
• If you have kids, bring some entertainment as well—UNO, cards, DS games—or you’ll find yourself spending a LOT of money. Bring snacks as well to pull out at various times for diversion.
  
  
• If you like comfort, bring a couple of fold-up chairs, which are from 400 to 2,000 yen at the local supermarket or DIY shop.
  
  
• Bring your own beer/chu-hi. You can also buy these there if you don’t mind paying 2 or 3 times the normal price.
  
  
• If you take the train there, buy your return ticket as soon as you arrive at the destination station so you won’t have to wait in a long line to buy it later.
  
  
• If you drive, be prepared to pay a small fortune for parking, and be prepared to be stuck in traffic for possibly an hour after the show. You can always delay departure from the grounds in order to avoid the main traffic, which can be frustrating and tiring. But, at least you’ll be sitting in an air-conditioned environment rather than crowded onto a train.
  
  
• And finally, just enjoy it all, the crowds, the prices, the food, the interesting sights and sounds. Prepare yourself ahead of time that you might be walking in very close quarters to complete strangers, but this is the way of the matsuri!

And here are some pictures I took of the event!

On our way to the matsuri site, along with everyone else in town!

Many of the young ladies and girls dress in summer yukatas, made of cotton, vs. the more elegant kimono made of silk and worn for ceremonial occasions.

The matsuri as seen from across our local river's bank...and viewed from the bridge..

The first of the food stalls...one of my favorites--TAKOYAKI (octopus balls?)

TAMASEN (egg-rice cracker).... up close..

An OKONOMIYAKI (vegetable pancake? though it often has bacon, pork or octopus as well) stall

Delicious IKAYAKI (grilled squid on a stick!)

KAKIGORI (smoothie? shaved ice? whatever it is, it's great on a hot summer's day)

My kids can't get enough of this RINGO AME (candied apple--or grape--or strawberry)
Take a guess at this one--HORUMON YAKI (fried hormones??)A favorite festival game--KINGYO SUKUI (fishing--uyou use a little scooper with a paper covering, trying to catch as many fish as you can until the paper breaks, and receive a prize (usually some nice little goldfish to take home) according to how many fish you caught.)

KINGYO SUKUI again, but with a twist--fishing for Stitch or Marie figurines.Mask stalls are also popular, selling Japanese character masks as well as ninki western ones.
And a kid decked out in his mask!
Before the fireworks began, lighted prayer lanterns were floated down the river...a beautiful sight which my camera failed to properly capture.

The hanabi display itself--my camera battery died about 5 minutes into the show, so we are stuck with these few images! And finally the train ride home. We were lucky to even find a place to stand, normally trains are way packed after the matsuri.

The Itsy Bitsy Bikini

I bet you thought you were going to see a picture of me in my bikini—sorry to disappoint you, but…don’t want to scare you off!!

Something happens to the Japanese woman once she has children—she suddenly seems to lose her identity and her life is wrapped around her children’s. She is no longer ‘Yoko’ or ‘Keiko’ but now she is ‘Masao’s mommy’ or ‘Yumiko’s mommy’ or simply ‘obasan’ which basically means ‘aunt’ and is used by kids to refer to a woman who is not a grandma but is not a young girl anymore—I have graduated to those ranks!

Now that it’s summer, I find myself reflecting on the fact that I have rarely seen a mother swimming in a pool, or beach, or river, with their kids, or even just by herself. I’ve seen them wading up to their ankles, or perhaps even up to their knees, but rarely full-body-in-the-water, wet hair, smeared mascara swimming! Actually, I can’t hardly recall seeing a mother with her kids in a bathing suit, or at least just a bathing suit. By that I mean, they may have the suit on somewhere underneath the other few layers of clothing on top, I’m sure it’s under there, but I can’t say I’ve seen it. Or else their suit is pretty close to a set of clothes so you could easily wear it out shopping as well.

What am I getting at you ask, (I think I’m asking myself the same thing!) Let me tell you a conversation I had 3 years ago with some of the local mothers, a conversation that finally got concluded a couple of weeks ago with my other foreign friend.

My son used to be part of the local soccer team, which meant I was now a soccer Mom, and every so often I was on soccer-Mom-duty. I showed up to the practice or game and helped pass out drinks, keep an eye on kids during breaks, bring the coaches coffee or water, look after first aid situations, stuff like that. I happened to be on duty for a game, during which many other moms show up (for the record—I never showed up when I didn’t HAVE to, poor Jason!). It was spring, warm in the sun, chilly in the shade, and we were standing around talking. I wasn’t really listening too closely, but I picked up at the word ‘bikini’ and tuned in. It was sort of to my embarrassment that I found they were discussing none other than yours truly—me! And not only were they discussing me (I get used to being the center of certain odd conversations), they were discussing my brazen summer attire—a bikini! At the local pool of all places! They all turned to ask me if it was true, did I really wear a bikini to the pool, and did I actually go swimming in it?? I turned a bit (ok, VERY) red, and said Yes, what else do you do at pools and what are swim suits for?? Then the discussion turned to how embarrassed they would be to wear anything that showed too much skin, and they never go in the water, and how brave I was….

I have since gone off the local pool, (it’s mostly the chlorine content that gives me incredible headaches, and the crowds that also give me bad headaches), but I am tempted to show up there this year and give the local gossip community something to discuss, I got a fabulous bikini from Victoria Secrets and my body is almost back in shape since my youngest was born.

Well, this conversation was wrapped up a few weeks ago when I was out at the river with a foreign friend, wearing none other than my bikini. We began to talk about how funny Japanese moms are, she told me she went to the river with some and she started spraying sunscreen all over her face and arms, and the moms started exclaiming “Aren’t you wearing makeup, what are you doing??” they were rather amazed that:
1. she wasn’t wearing makeup and
2. she was actually going to swim!
And so I told my friend my bikini story, to which she exclaims:
“So THAT was YOU!!—I had the oddest comment from one of my friends a few years ago, she said she’d heard that I’d been swimming at the pool in my bikini—and I don’t even own a bikini—it was YOU!!”

We once again realized how under a microscope our lives are when we are one of 5 foreigners in a small city!

Japanese women don’t NOT have nice bodies, they are pretty lucky to be blessed with small physiques, low body-fat, good skin, and after having a kid or two, with a bit of work you can regain a somewhat flat stomach. I wonder why they often hide their bodies under so many layers, especially in this humid Japanese heat, or feel that as they get older they must cover up more and more. I do understand protecting your skin from UV rays, but then there’s the part about enjoying stuff, being comfortable. Or maybe it’s just me, and with a lack of other foreign company, I find myself doing things with my kids that ordinarily I wouldn’t do if I were in my own home country. I still don’t think I’ve seen a ‘mother’ at the pool or beach in a ‘bikini’, that would be a rare breed of okasan!

Green Tea

Green tea--the wonder drink! Well, not quite, but much information has been coming out about the great benefits of the tea.

Green tea is as much a part of the culture in Japan as are sushi and chopsticks. Green tea is just another extension of Japanese living, as routine in the day as a bowl of rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There must be something to it considering the Japanese are one of the longest-lived races! Here's a really great article from care2.com filled with ideas for recycling your used green-tea leaves!

Courtesy of Care2 GreenLiving

Green Tea to Refresh Your Home

Adapted from The Book of Green Tea, by Diana Rosen (Storey Books, 1998)

The salubrious effects of green tea are well known—tea leaves pack a whopping punch of antioxidants making their brew one of the healthiest drinks to imbibe. However, the benefits of those antioxidants don’t stop there; you can save those soggy tea leaves and use them around the house to help out with some surprising tasks.

SIMPLE SOLUTION: After you’ve absorbed the health benefits from your cup of green tea, it’s time to recycle the leaves. You can use them to feed your garden plants--green tea is high in nitrogen--and they will even ward off pests and insects.

Tea leaves also have a long tradition of being used as a deodorizer. Tea is loaded with catechins, which are the polyphenolic substances we know as anti-oxidants. The catechins have antibacterial properties, which makes tea leaves great for fighting odor.

Some tips call for dried leaves, here’s how: When finished brewing tea, place the leaves into a large strainer or colander. Press out as much moisture as possible, and then spread the leaves on unprinted paper. Let the leaves dry thoroughly, turning over several times in the process. Then, refresh away…

Carpets and Vacuum. Sprinkle dry tea leaves onto your carpet, crush them lightly and let them sit for 10 minutes, then vacuum. This will refresh your carpet and deodorize your vacuum cleaner and bag.

Yoga Mats. In the hot, humid areas of Thailand, Burma, and other Asian countries, people sleep on straw mats. This straw is cool and comfortable, but people do perspire. It is quite common in these areas for straw mats to be washed in tubs of water to which tea has been added. The tea works as a powerful deodorizer, leaves a fresh scent, and can even infuse the straw with a delicate sage color. You can use green tea to clean other washable surfaces, such as yoga mats and air mattresses.

Litter Boxes. Used green tea leaves are wonderful in kitty litter as an extra boost for diffusing odors, and they help deter fleas from both cats and dogs.

Pet Beds. Sprinkle dried used green tea leaves on your pet’s favorite pillow or bed. Great in doghouses or anywhere troublesome pet odors occur. If you can afford the extravagance, loose leaf gunpowder tea is great for dogs to roll around in. The crunching of the pellets releases a wonderful aroma, and helps to scratch wherever dogs have an itch. The pellets help give your dog a more pleasant smell.

Refrigerators. Place used green tea bags or leaves in a small bowl, uncovered, in your refrigerator to help absorb odors from onions and garlic for about three days. NO need to throw them out even then, just sprinkle the old leaves around your ferns, rosebushes, or other plants.

Kitchen Odors. Preparing fish? Chopping garlic? Rid your hands of the fish or garlic oils by rubbing them with wet green tea leaves, an instant deodorizer. The leaves are also great for deodorizing and cleaning the pan in which you cook fish or garlic. As well, rub wet tea leaves on cutting boards to remove odors there.

Note: Wet tea leaves can stain, so if you are using wet tea leaves on or near a stainable surface be sure to test in an inconspicuous place first.

Summer Vacation

Summer vacation, the time of year every child looks forward to—sun, water, no school, freedom—ummm, not quite in Japan!

Summer vacation here is considerably shorter than I remember mine being—I recall getting out of school sometime in June, and not going back till the first week of September. And the best part about it—no homework, no teachers, goofing around, being lazy, wow!!

My children’s vacation begins around July 23^rd, and they are expected back the first weekday of September. Ok, so 40 days, a bit shorter than mine, but I can deal with it. But on top of that, they have HOMEWORK!! The first time I realized this, I freaked! When do the kids ever get a break?? Homework—on vacation?? It’s unheard of! Not here in Japan though.

First off, let me explain how the school year runs:
You begin your new year in April and end it in March of the next year. You get a 2-week vacation in-between terms, and this is the only vacation that has no homework. Otherwise, both summer and winter break include homework.

What does the homework consist of? Usually there’s a booklet that includes both math and grammar homework, about 20 pages or so, and then there’s a schedule-like diary they are supposed to fill in every day with a summary of what they did that day and how was the weather. Then they are supposed to choose one activity from a long list of subjects to complete—these can be as simple as drawing a picture to as complicated as a science experiment. As they get older the homework load gets heavier, to where my eldest in Jr. High School now has several different booklets to complete.

To be fair, it doesn’t seem that any of this homework is compulsory, but to be honest, what kid wants to be the only one who didn’t do their homework?

This year my kids got smart, as soon as they got home from the last day of school, they sat themselves down and completed the whole booklet in a couple of hours. Phew! But in years past it was usually a last minute mad rush to complete everything, including a full-blow craft project the day before going back to school!

Besides having a short vacation, topped with homework, the kids are expected to show up at school at least twice—mainly it seems just to check in and make sure they’re doing their homework. We usually skip these days since I never remember them, but it does seem most good Japanese kids go—maybe one day I’ll qualify in the ‘good Japanese’ category.

There are some truly wonderful things about summer in Japan--WATERMELON!! Yeah! We finally get to eat some! A bit pricey, but it's worth it! And FIREWORKS! Lucky for us, we live about 30 minutes by car away from one of the largest firework shows in the world, which we have managed to go to 7 out of 11 years, and of course, buying little hand-held fireworks to do in your back yard, something I know many countries don't have. And since we live in the countryside, we have a great variety of rivers to swim in. But still, the homework....

A Smoking Nation

July 18, 2007

A Smoking Nation!

When I first arrived in Japan, long long ago, you could buy cigarettes, sake and porn from vending machines on the street. A child could walk into a grocery store and purchase any of those items. Coming from the US, where laws were much stricter, this was quite a marvel for me.

As years passed, things slowly changed, and those vending machines have slowly disappeared off the main streets. Mind you, every so often I do come across a beer-selling machine, and cigarette vending machines are still widely available, but the porn-sellers have definitely diminished, except at midnight, the local vegetable stand makes the great switcheroo to the local porn shop. Hmmm… well, at least the kids are all in bed by then!

Fifteen years ago I made a trip from Osaka to Tokyo by shinkansen. It’s a beautiful ride, you go right past Mt. Fuji, and through the wilderness between Kansai and Kanto, traveling at an incredible speed, there’s a nice little snack bar on the train, of course toilets. Under normal circumstances I really enjoy this trip. Unfortunately for me, it was the end of Shogatsu (New Year’s) and everyone was returning to Tokyo after the 3-day vacation. I hadn’t reserved a seat ahead of time, which I normally don’t do anyway, but once I got on the train I realized the mistake—there were NO seats in the non-reserved sections. With my wool dress and high-heel boots, I slowly wobbled down the car aisles, searching for a seat, finally finding one in a reserved section. I would have to pay more for it, but at this point, a 3-hour standing trip on a train traveling over 250km/hour in high-heels was not a fun prospect. To make things worse, it was the smoking section of the train!

Japan today is still a very smoking-oriented country. Although there is a smoking ban on the local trains, the reserved express trains and shinkansens still have smoking sections (which really sucks if you have to use the toilet and the only way to get there is through the smoking car—yuck!) The local family dinner restaurants (Gusto, Joyful, Royal Host, Denny’s…) have finally put in smoking and non-smoking sections, which really doesn’t make much difference cause it’s still all in the same room and you come home smelling like an ashtray. Our local Joyful finally got the point that there are more non-smokers coming to eat, and switched the large smoking and tiny non-smoking areas to accommodate the changing local society. But usually the smokers get a very large portion of the restaurant, and those of us who don’t smoke are relegated to a small corner by the toilet. On busy nights this can be pretty inconvenient (and so we no longer go out to eat on busy nights).

Starbucks has made a great impact on the restaurant/smoking culture of Japan. They are almost the only eating establishment that forbids smoking on the premises—GO STARBUCKS!! It is one reason the chain is very popular in Japan, besides a decent cup of coffee (which is another article of its own). The company set a new standard of non-smoking for Japan, which is slowly catching on. Now, if McDonalds would just get the idea!!

But still, the Japanese are a smoking society. People smoke under the ‘No Smoking’ signs on train platforms, they walk down the street with a cigarette in hand, they stand right outside the game center door puffing away, no mind for the children or people who might be passing by, no concern for the health of others around, not to mention the smell of it. I’m not anti-smoking, if someone wants to smoke I absolutely don’t mind, just not around me please! Not in public areas where my kids are breathing the same air, not in restaurants where we want to enjoy the flavor of the food and not come home with smoke-scented clothes and hair.

Slowly the transition is happening. The convenience and grocery stores have signs up that make it clear they won’t sell cigarettes or liquor to anyone under 20 (now, do they check ID—that’s the question!), more and more shopping centers and restaurants are putting a ban on smoking, and I just read in the news that starting in October, people caught smoking on the streets of Osaka will be fined 1,000 yen—GO OSAKA!!

The sad thing is how easily available tobacco is to children here. My daughter could easily become a smoker at the age of 13 and I’d never know—she can buy it at the local vending machine, smoke it on the way to school, I probably wouldn’t be that much wiser to it. Lucky for me she things it’s disgusting and hates the smell of tobacco, but I often spy many kids in their young teens out on the street corner smoking away in the evening. It’s a sad thing that the country could easily change by just putting restrictions in place about where to sell these things, as well as enforcing no smoking rules in public places—ah for the day!!

For further information:A Dying Breed

The Freedom of Raising a Child in Japan

A Foreign Mother in Japan
July 13, 2007

My foreign friend and I often discuss child-rearing practices and policies in Japan compared to our own home countries or cultures. In my case I have to say culture since I’ve lived in Japan for close to 2/3rds of my life, so I’m not sure that my own policies reflect American ones. We’re both married to Japanese men, both have school-aged children, and both have had to learn the ropes of the parenting system here.

There are a lot of little rules in this country, those who live here realize it, those who don’t, but have been reading my blog, are aware of it. Kids NEVER go barefoot, they always have a thermos wherever they go, they all wear caps in the summer, and they all buy a ‘randsell’ backpack for entering 1st grade. Mothers show up to every school visit, all the school volunteer cleaning days, and they all buy the school required shuji set, sewing kit, and kanji dictionary. They never forget to include chopsticks in their children’s backpacks, and would never buy their school recorder from the 100-yen shop—all the things I’ve done without a second thought. Oh yes, they don’t make their kids work for their allowance.

So, yeah, I get frustrated and irritated by all the little rules that all the other mothers seem to know by instinct and I don’t. And I wonder “What’s the big deal, so I just cut up an old towel to make their school-required rags rather than buying some at the supermarket, so I made a sandwich for their excursion lunch rather than pack a full-course obento, so I didn’t give my kid the full 500 yen of spending money for the outing, since I only had 200 in my wallet, oh well!” (I think my kids realize this about me, and have found other ways to prepare for the things they know I won’t do).

But in many major areas of your child’s life, the parent has a lot of freedom and control. For instance, I can leave my kids in the car while I go shopping and no one will report me, I can leave my little kids home alone and no one would get upset, I can give my kids a whack in public and no one is going to be outraged, I can allow my kids to throw a full-on temper tantrum in the mall and everyone will ignore my child and me. I can laugh while my kids pulls the hair of the little guy sitting next to him in class, and I can expect the teacher to think my kid is still absolutely adorable, even when he hits her, calls her names, ignores her and is otherwise a monster. (Hey, anyone who knows me knows that I would never allow my kids to behave like that—but I HAVE seen it happen regularly).

Those are things that are important to me, things relating to safety, to danger, to behavior, I feel those are the important things to be concerned about. But, I do agree, that as a parent, despite the many small rules that I manage to not follow anyway, I have a lot of control over really main issues, and for that I’m grateful.

The 100-Yen Store Explosion

Something I absolutely love about Japan, one thing that has only gotten better and better in all the years I’ve been here, and that is---

100 YEN SHOPS!!!

Oh my God!! If you’re thinking “100yen=$ Shop”, THINK AGAIN! There is no comparison at all. It is literally possible to outfit your whole family and decorate your whole house from a 100-Yen shop, and to do it in style and class! Before I buy anything, I check at the local Daiso for it, and if it isn’t there, I’m really bummed that I’ll have to buy it for maybe 10 yen more at another store. The 100 yen shop has been a supplier of omiyage (souvenir gifts), birthday party prizes, Christmas decorating, snack supplies, glassware and cutlery, storage containers, baby toys, stationary, gardening needs—I can’t even think what I’d do without the shop! And thank God, we are SO lucky in our little tiny country town—we don’t have a Starbucks, we don’t even have a Mister Donuts, but we do have TWO 100-yen shops!!

Whenever I ask my Mom what she wants me to bring from Japan, she always says, “Some of those cute little plates from the 100-yen shop!” When my friends return home for vacations, their first stop for presents is—you got it!! When the kids need something for school—guess where we go to find it! When my supply of teaspoons has dwindled down to 3, it’s time to make the trip!

Funny thing is though—I noticed that some of that stuff is actually cheaper in other shops—so why do I feel like I’m getting such a good deal when I get it at Daiso?

When I first came to Japan I was introduced to the 100-yen shop, actually, it was more like the 100-yen stall, set up outside a supermarket for a week, before moving on to another location. You were lucky to be on the circuit. About 11 years ago came the introduction of Daiso, and with it the 100-yen shop explosion, or more like the Daiso explosion. The shop has become so popular that it even has its own little (or rather large) corner in high class department stores like Takashimaya! It is slowly moving overseas with stores set up in Canada, the US, the Middle East, Indonesia, Taiwan, Korea, New Zealand and more. If you’re thinking about a good possible future investment, Daiso stock could prove to be very profitable.

It’s sometimes hard to imagine life before the mega-100-Yen shop, it’s not quite on the same level as the Internet, but pretty close!

Uniforms and School Lunches

Janina in her Jr. High uniform

A Foreign Mother in Japan

Article 3

Ever since I’ve been in Japan I’ve found myself rebelling against the uniform system 98% of the country has adopted. Kids all wearing the same clothing, they all look the same already, you can’t hardly tell them apart, much less putting them in the same uniform! How can a mother find her child in the crowd, how do you know if that’s little Yuko or Sayaka on the stage reciting something?

We were lucky though, our local kindergarten and elementary school don’t require uniforms, only matching PE clothes. The kids are free to come to school in shorts, t-shirts, pants, jeans, dresses, whatever they feel like, only their shoes are restricted to tennis shoes, no sandals or boots, but that’s ok, I can ‘give’ on that point.

But---once they hit Jr. High, goodbye freedom, hello conformity! At first Janina was excited to be getting her uniform, FINALLY! A uniform! I hated it, I let her know from the start, I complained about it, it’s too hot in summer, not warm enough in winter (and they aren’t allowed to wear a coat or sweater on top of it, even if it snows!), blah blah! After 1-1/2 years wearing the same clothing day after day, Janina has finally realized that uniforms SUCK!!

This is one of the few points my husband and I disagree on about the Japanese school system—uniforms! He grew up with it, so he’s used to them, he accepts it as a better way of doing things—and to be honest, it does make life simple! No clothing choices every day, they are pretty sturdy so they don’t wear out too quickly (they should be sturdy since it usually costs about $800 to get your kid’s uniforms for the year!), and at school there’s no comparing or bad feelings about who’s dressed to style, who’s not, who’s ‘in’, who’s not (don’t worry though, those problems are still there, they just come out in different ways—who has the cool pencil case….) But for me, I love the variety of clothing, I love choosing something new to wear every day, I love color, and I think color in the classroom gives it a bit more life! Uniforms go against my love of freedom and not being bound by unnecessary rules. There’s enough rules to follow, ones that make sense, why do we need to enforce conformity?

OK, now I’ve ragged on the uniforms, I want to talk about something Japanese schools do very well—lunches!

Every school district does it a bit differently, but generally schools have a school-lunch system, meals are delivered on a daily basis, usually served with milk, once in awhile with coffee-milk or chocolate-milk. In our area, school-lunch, or kyushoku, is served to the elementary grades. It costs about $35/month, and I really like it. Every month we get the menu complete with nutrition information, we know exactly what they’re eating that day. And there really is hardly any junk, meals are very balanced with veggies, protein and starch. Kids are NOT allowed to bring soda to school, or even fruit juice unless they have a good reason, but they can bring water, or mugi-cha (barley tea), or when they’re sick I’ve often sent warm herb-tea or lemon-tea. Basically, they can’t bring anything sweet.

Something that varies from the American school system is there is no morning snack recess. I seem to remember always having a snack break around 10 or so. Here they kids stick it out till lunch time, and I guess the body adjust to it. Even now I always find myself hungry at about—yes—10 or 11, but my kids can survive all the way to 12:30 with just breakfast. And in many families, the kids don’t even eat breakfast. No wonder everyone’s so skinny over here!

As I said before, I have a true love-hate relationship with Japan—and since I was the one up and making breakfast and Janina’s lunch today, I loved the elementary kyushoku service, and wished the Jr. High had the same!

OT--Doing the Boogey!

This post is OT--off topic--and not part of the regular issue of A Foreign Mother in Japan.

--courtesy of Boogey Woogey
I've been doing my daily hour-long walk now. I love listening to Doobie Brothers while walking past the Bay. I do some walk-dancing and boogying while walking. I want to post it on your blog... foreigners in Japan can "BE DIFFERENT" and be happy about it! Thank goodness we don't have to be confined to their crazy mannerisms!

Jumping Ahead

Today I take a huge jump across the years to the present. Something I have had to learn to cope with culturally is my children’s schooling. All 3 of my children attend the local public schools. They started in kindergarten, and the eldest is now in 8^th grade.

Japan’s schooling system basically goes like this:

• K4 (kindy for 4 years)
• K5 (kindy for 5 years)
• 1-6^th grade (elementary school)
• 7-9^th grade (Jr. High)
• 10-12^th grade (Highschool)

The only years that are mandatory are the elementary and Jr. High years. Kindergarten and High School are not mandatory. Actually, you are considered an adult at age 16, though you can’t drive until 18 and you can’t drink or smoke until 20 (hmmm—that rule is not strictly kept—up to a few years ago I could’ve sent my daughter to the local store to pick up a pack of beer for me or a bottle of wine, no questions asked, but they have clamped down on it. Nevertheless, it’s pretty common to see young kids in the Jr. High bracket smoking, my daughter tells me the Jr. High 3^rd grade naughty-boys all congregate in the stair-well to smoke during school time).

While I’m happy my kids go to school and are getting an education, I find myself in a constant battle with the rules and requirements, esp. as they get older. Here is a recent conversation I had with Janina (13):

M: Hey kiddo, I think you’re hair looks really nice up in a high ponytail. Shall I help you do it this morning?
J: Umm, no Mom, cause I can’t wear my hair higher than the tips of my ears.
M:WHAT!! What do you mean!!
J: It’s the rules Mom.
M: What are they gonna do to you if you put it up?
J: Well, probably I’ll get lynched (and this is the actual word they use in Japanese) by the seniors.
M: Jr. High SUCKS!!!

And the list really does go on. Everything is dictated, my daughter is even afraid to put her hair up after school or on weekends going out in case a senior sees her and she gets beat up at school.

There’s an odd variety of other ‘rules’: First years must wear white socks, but 2^nd and 3^rd years can wear black, only 3^rd years can wear a sweater or scarf to school in winter, no bangles, baubles, accessories of any kind, those are the ones I know about, I’m sure there are many others.

Another conversation with my daughter:

J: We’re having a musical competition at school, I finally learned the song!
M: That’s great!!
J: But the seniors threatened to kill us!
M: What??!!
J: They want to win the competition so they said if any of us do anything other than sing, they’ll kill us! We can’t clap, or move, or dance…
M: Seniors SUCK!! How can they get away with that!

That’s the usual ending of those conversations—it SUCKS!!

It seems that the seniors have a lot of power here, and they keep the juniors in a state of fear and control. It’s quite ridiculous, and in looking at society, it’s where the whole “respect your elder—pay obeisance to your elder—your elder is always better than you” mentality begins. While I believe in respect, I believe respect goes towards anyone, older, younger, it doesn’t matter. This school form of “We’re going to beat you up if you wear green socks!” respect is not respect, it’s bullying, which Japan has a major problem with. And where are the teachers when these things happen? I’m sure the teachers are aware of it, but rather than tackling the problem or trying to change the students’ mentality, they let it go and say, “That’s the way it is…”

Some things are changing though. Because of the high rate of suicide, esp. the recent rash of Jr. High suicides, people are taking a closer look at the education system and what goes on in students’ lives, as well as listening closer to the silent cries of the students. For the meantime, I try to keep close communications with my children, educate them on what I consider good values of respect, and let them know when I think something happening at their school is just plain stupid.

Some would say I should tell my daughter to buck the tide, but I decided to leave that choice up to her. There’s a time to fight, and a time not to, since she will be the one to bear the consequences, she is the one who has to make the choice to stand up against it. I would hate to see her come home with a black eye over something as dumb as her hair, I just hope she stands up to fight for things that are really important—defense of the weak, right and wrong and good morals.

Beginning of the Journey

Welcome to the first article in my “Foreign Mother in Japan” series! Living abroad in a foreign country is not always easy, nor does it always feel rewarding, nevertheless, it is what we make it, combined with what the country makes of us. Raising children in a culture so very different from my own, I’ve found I’ve had to cope with adjusting to policies and ways of thinking that go completely against my own, and I’ve had to learn when to speak up and insist that something be done differently.

Though the birth of my eldest daughter, Janina, 13 years ago could mark the beginning of this path, I believe the true beginning was when she entered kindergarten at 6 years old. This was when I was faced with the true differences in my culture vs. the culture I was living in, and it is something I face every day I wake up and send my kids to school, every time I interact with the local mothers, every time I talk with my English students.

I find I have developed a love-hate relationship with this country, and it’s hard to say which is stronger. I am often asked “Are you used to Japan?” I never quite know how to answer that question. At what point did I stop getting used to the country and the country became a part of me? The better question would be when I visit California—“Are you used to America?” to which I could quickly reply, “Not really.” But am I used to Japan? Yes, no, sometimes, never and always.

I’m used to the weather, the seasons, the sound of the language, the habits of the Japanese, the groceries in the stores, the cars on the roads, the little neighborhoods, the rice-patties, downtown, crowded trains and being stared at everywhere I go. But more than being used to it, it is part of me and I am part of it, no matter how much I stand out.

Fortunately I’m short and my hair is dark, so if I wear sunglasses, long sleeves and pants, and speak Japanese I can occasionally get away with being Japanese, but remove the layers and I suddenly find myself a magnet for attention. Through the years I have learned to deal with it graciously, but there have been moments of pure hatred, when I locked myself up in the house and refused to go shopping, dreading the moment I stuck my foot out the door, when I have glared in anger at anyone who tried to approach me to speak English, and other times when I have played it up and loved the false glamour being white gave me. And now, now I mostly ignore it, I put my chin up in the air and pretend I’m as normal as the guy next to me.

How did I come to this country? It’s a long story in detail, as is any, but the short version is I was the child of a missionary and came in my late teens. I spent the next 10 years working with foreigners, teaching their children, caring for my own siblings, before I married Toru and we began our own.

And so the journey began.